Ten years to no time at all.

This shouldn't be easy -- if it were, how would I know whether or not to take it seriously? Some days this is one of the hardest things I've ever done. I may not show it that often, but I can't stand not being with you. How would I know how important that is to me if I didn't have to keep making the choice between either feeling like this and not having you with me, or not feeling like this and not having it matter so much that you're not here? I *want* it to matter, love. And it does, it matters very much. If that means I have to deal with these feelings and a few thousand miles of geography, so be it. Bring it on--I'm not scared. If these thoughts, these emotions, are what they seem to be, it won't make any difference. No, that's not true, it does make a difference, but in a good way.

Jen wrote this to me on November 23rd, 2000.

The distance is a different kind now. The subject is different, but the words are appropriate for how I feel -- I couldn't write about how I feel now with any more clarity and earnestness.