You see, this is what happens when I fall into a relationship and feel happy: I stopped blogging entirely, stopped the self-therapizing, and the self-analysis, and then...well I suppose you can figure that out, at least by the time you stop reading this post.
In January 2011, I dedicated myself to avoiding romantic relationships because I, it seems, can't manage them effectively. That lasted for a little while. And by little while I mean almost a month.
After some delightfully funny and awkward conversation, I invited a wonderful woman named Kirsten to get some dinner with me. Not a date. I was adamant about that. She was amused by it. As February turned into March, and spring to summer, we fell in love. It was cute. Our friends approved of our choices, and if they didn't, they kept that well hidden (and presumably still do).
In June I lost my job and, by August we'd decided that it wouldn't be the end of the world if we managed our combined expenses by only having one rent, one set of utilities, to pay. And in the last week of September we moved in together.
This is where the sad music starts playing.
After a camping trip that took my mind off my wedding anniversary, even for a moment, we returned to find my notification of the date of my divorce hearing. That date was October 21st. So I was stuck in a depression through till my birthday in November. And then the weather turned and the usual flurries of memories blew through my brain every few days. They weren't debilitating, but they brought with them the sadness they always bring.
That kind of sadness is hard to hide when you share a house with someone, especially when it's someone you love and who loves and cares for you.
While all of this was going on, I was applying for college and financial aid, which is hard for people who know what they're doing and understand the process. For everyone who doesn't work in financial aid and admissions, it's almost impossible the first time you go through it. It's also frustrating. And when you add that to depression, it's not a good mix.
By the time the new year rolled around, there were some cracks in my relationship with Kirsten, a week later the cracks were getting hard to step over. A week later the relationship was over. I'll go into the whys in future blogs. But for those curious about where the blame falls, it falls on me. Like a cartoon piano.