Nothing is decided. Ever.

Tacos
Pickled ginger
Beer
Toast
HBO & Showtime
Balsamic vinegar
Doomcat

These are some things that, while I really like them, could live without if I had to. Don't get me wrong, I'd really rather not live without them, but if I had to, I could.

I bring it up because I went to therapy for the first time in several months today. I'm not going to go into the details here, though I will, in time. But what I will share right now is that I figured out that there are some things that are hard to live without, but somethings that are almost as hard to live with.

Hope. Hope is one of those things. Living with hope is a hard, stony battle. Living with hope is living with the possibility that today might be the last day you feel this uncertain. It might be the day that everything is decided. No matter what that looks like.

But however hard it is to live with hope, I decide every day to do that. Because living without it is much much harder.

Today, a lot of things changed in my life. Some things which I hope, every day, to change, did not. Not today. But I will sleep, and wake up, and before I find my way to the fridge to get breakfast, I'll feel hopeful again.