Tuesday, June 29, 2010
My apartments: putting the "tech" in "technologically retarded."
There's really no update on how my diet is going. Not really a diet at this point since the food is largely irrelevant and the exercise is the main thing.
Three mile runs continue to take me 27-28 minutes and that's about it.
I was excited over the weekend to buy a new belt -- with a 36" waist for the first time in a long time.
This update is really about my experience with the maintenance people at my complex. Now, for anyone who has ever lived in an apartment you'll be familiar with the band-aid approach to repairs. If medical progress relied on similar methods, we'd still be drilling holes in skulls and applying leeches.
So my A/C hasn't worked for weeks. In order to make it go, I have to use the breaker switch in the fuse-box. Which is fine until you realize I live in Atlanta where it's been over 90 degrees for a month now, and will get hotter for another month or so. Which means that leaving my home at 8am to go to work and turning the A/C to off results in my returning to an apartment that is a lot like an oven.
I knew that the problem was the thermostat, so I called the leasing office. They sent someone on Friday. I told them I was pretty sure it's the thermostat. They insisted it's the relay, which they replaced, and things seemed okay...
...until after the maintenance office was closed for the weekend. Which is when the A/C unit proceeded to make a noise like it was being beaten by sticks every time it made a change from on to off, or off to on.
If you add to this that I was dog-sitting for the weekend with Murphy, who'd never spent time at my place, so she was really twitchy. And every 20 minutes or so when the clanging and thumping would begin, she would think it was a break-in. And bark. A lot.
One weekend of broken sleep later, I tell the leasing office that they need to send someone out to actually fix the thermostat, which, you might recall, was what I thought the problem was to begin with.
So they said someone would be there at 2pm on Monday.
Maybe they meant 2pm Pacific, in which case, they were 10 minutes early.
“It’s the thermostat. It’s broken in some way, probably electronic signals are being sent multiple times or on a delay so that many go out in a short space of time.”
“That’s the relay — I can get someone to replace it, but it’s gonna be tomorrow”
“No, the whole board was replaced on Friday, and whatever it takes, I’m not waiting till tomorrow - I doubt it’s the relay that was just replaced. The relay gets a signal from the board in the thermostat, I’d start there.”
“Okay, we’ll have someone come out and replace the thermostat.”
“Isn’t that what you were supposed to be doing anyway?”
“No, I assess the repair, I’ll send the guy out, he’ll be here in about an hour.”
Twenty minutes later the guy arrives.
“So what’s the problem?”
“It’s the thermostat.”
“Well see, you have it turned up to 95 degrees”
“Okay, 1. It’s supposed to work at that temperature isn’t it? 2. It’s nobody’s business how warm or cool I want this apartment to be.”
“Okay, so I’ll just go ahead and replace it.”
Proceeds to replace the mechanical front part.
“I’m not sure that’s going to work since I have a really strong suspicion that it’s an electrical problem.”
He ignores me and replaces the front
“Oh, that’s better, you got your air back”
“My air never went away, I just couldn’t control it, and it was making horrible noises and...”
Flicks temp slider left and right...
“Shouldn’t it be clicking on and off somewhere? I have the air back, but now it won’t turn off. Maybe it’s the electronics.”
“Well, I guess I’ll just go ahead and replace that, too”
So eventually the guy replaces the thermostat's guts and...like magic it works.
If they dude had done this ten minute repair on Friday it would have saved me spending hours waiting for technicians, it would have saved them somewhere around two hours of wasting time arguing with me.
In the personal news...
...because I know it's why you really tune in, skinny jeans...
...Jen is heading out of town again and has asked me to dog sit at her place for a few days over the weekend. It's not odd anymore, calling the house that was "our place" "her place." I'm going to go have dinner there tonight and see if Jen wants to work on a list of repairs and maintenance for the coming weeks and months.
It's good to feel useful, it's good to feel like I'm finally doing the things I promised to do long ago. It's not a debt I'm paying to Jen, it's to myself. There's a kind of man I want to be, and she's giving me the chance to be him. I think I'm up to the task, whatever it looks like.
Heart, meet sleeve...
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Self-absorbed and introspective.
The other day I saw a parent explaining to their child that the child had to go to sleep because that's when they grow, like plants, at night. I wish that it stayed that simple as we grow up.
Recently, I've been on my own a lot more, spent more time with myself. It's interesting to me how I got to know who I am, what motivates me, whether I'd be my friend if I was someone else. Sometimes the answers aren't easy to find, sometimes they're not easy to live with. But they're always valuable.
In these moments of quiet, I find myself looking for new music to listen to. New to me, anyway. And the music has a renewing effect on committing to untangling the mess that I became last year.
Making goals for myself was a solid step on the road to recovering the person I'd rather be. Looking outside myself and living, in moments, for other people has made me happier. Closer to whole, maybe.
As an update on my exercise and weight goals...
Weight: 208lbs
5k Run: 27:06 but I was really pushing it and don't think I'll hit that time consistently for a while
BMI: 27.5
I'm not too far away from goals 1 and 3, but the problem is that the more I replace fat with muscle, the heavier I'm going to get. Quite the conundrum.
But worry not, narrowpants, I will figure it out.
If this song is for you, you'll know it's for you. If not, just enjoy it anyway.
Recently, I've been on my own a lot more, spent more time with myself. It's interesting to me how I got to know who I am, what motivates me, whether I'd be my friend if I was someone else. Sometimes the answers aren't easy to find, sometimes they're not easy to live with. But they're always valuable.
In these moments of quiet, I find myself looking for new music to listen to. New to me, anyway. And the music has a renewing effect on committing to untangling the mess that I became last year.
Making goals for myself was a solid step on the road to recovering the person I'd rather be. Looking outside myself and living, in moments, for other people has made me happier. Closer to whole, maybe.
As an update on my exercise and weight goals...
Weight: 208lbs
5k Run: 27:06 but I was really pushing it and don't think I'll hit that time consistently for a while
BMI: 27.5
I'm not too far away from goals 1 and 3, but the problem is that the more I replace fat with muscle, the heavier I'm going to get. Quite the conundrum.
But worry not, narrowpants, I will figure it out.
If this song is for you, you'll know it's for you. If not, just enjoy it anyway.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
#wootgoal
So I feel less alone in this weight loss plight.
I somehow managed to get involved in a conversation on Facebook which led to me setting some goals to meet before one of my Facebook pals heads to Hawaii for the WOOT Conference being held there in September.
You can follow the participants by following #wootgoal on twitter.
My goals are:
1. Run 3 miles in less than 24 minutes (measured by finishing times in organized local 5k runs.)
2. Get a BMI measure of less than 26.9. That means a weight less than 200lbs will work.
In the course of doing this, I'm hoping to pick up my fitness in general, too.
So, my skinny reader, to update on the last couple of days. Friday I got to interview @lauralippay. The article should be out soon. I just have to figure out which parts of the slew of awesome information should be the published first.
Friday night was fun, too -- I had BBQ at JRs with Denise, Jeff, their three kids, and Amy. It's the first time Amy and I have hung out since we broke up. After BBQ, we headed back to my flat to watch the Glee finale and play Little Big Planet. Honestly, I don't have an exciting life, but I have some awesome friends.
This morning was soccer, as usual, and if you haven't played in 90 degree weather before noon, you probably don't live in Atlanta. I swear, I should weigh myself before I get back in the car. After a brief stop back at the flat I went onto Jen's.
When I left that house back in February I left a lot of things un-done. I've asked Jen if I can make good on some of the promises of home improvement I made and didn't keep. She's graciously allowing me to find some closure by doing that work, so that's what I spent the afternoon doing. Mostly cleaning up the garage. I have a lot of projects to work on over the next few weeks, but a tidy garage should make that task easier, I think.
I met Jen's new guy, Brett, again. I re-introduced myself and we had a man-to-man chat while he walked the dog. Not a "you better not hurt her or else" kind of chat. A friendly, "hey, I screwed this up and while I'd kinda like her back, Jen's really into you. I want her to be happy, so -- weird as this is -- I want you to know I'm not going to try to get in the way of you guys" kind of chat. Felt pretty good, because it was all true.
Don't know what tomorrow looks like, but I think I want to start it off with a run, and then maybe pick up the Rosetta Stone stuff again. We'll see. I just know I feel peaceful and content and...hungry?
...and now here's thing of simple beauty.
I somehow managed to get involved in a conversation on Facebook which led to me setting some goals to meet before one of my Facebook pals heads to Hawaii for the WOOT Conference being held there in September.
You can follow the participants by following #wootgoal on twitter.
My goals are:
1. Run 3 miles in less than 24 minutes (measured by finishing times in organized local 5k runs.)
2. Get a BMI measure of less than 26.9. That means a weight less than 200lbs will work.
In the course of doing this, I'm hoping to pick up my fitness in general, too.
So, my skinny reader, to update on the last couple of days. Friday I got to interview @lauralippay. The article should be out soon. I just have to figure out which parts of the slew of awesome information should be the published first.
Friday night was fun, too -- I had BBQ at JRs with Denise, Jeff, their three kids, and Amy. It's the first time Amy and I have hung out since we broke up. After BBQ, we headed back to my flat to watch the Glee finale and play Little Big Planet. Honestly, I don't have an exciting life, but I have some awesome friends.
This morning was soccer, as usual, and if you haven't played in 90 degree weather before noon, you probably don't live in Atlanta. I swear, I should weigh myself before I get back in the car. After a brief stop back at the flat I went onto Jen's.
When I left that house back in February I left a lot of things un-done. I've asked Jen if I can make good on some of the promises of home improvement I made and didn't keep. She's graciously allowing me to find some closure by doing that work, so that's what I spent the afternoon doing. Mostly cleaning up the garage. I have a lot of projects to work on over the next few weeks, but a tidy garage should make that task easier, I think.
I met Jen's new guy, Brett, again. I re-introduced myself and we had a man-to-man chat while he walked the dog. Not a "you better not hurt her or else" kind of chat. A friendly, "hey, I screwed this up and while I'd kinda like her back, Jen's really into you. I want her to be happy, so -- weird as this is -- I want you to know I'm not going to try to get in the way of you guys" kind of chat. Felt pretty good, because it was all true.
Don't know what tomorrow looks like, but I think I want to start it off with a run, and then maybe pick up the Rosetta Stone stuff again. We'll see. I just know I feel peaceful and content and...hungry?
...and now here's thing of simple beauty.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
...and the bass keeps runningrunningrunningrunning...
Balance in life is important. A balance between spiritual, intellectual, emotional, physical, creative, destructive, awake, asleep...you get the idea.
I've been unbalanced. Make of that what you want.
I've been neglecting parts of myself and I feel kinda bad about it. So in addition to the regular football games, I've started running on my off days, and I'm looking for a dojo to start to play nice with.
Today is an off day, a running day. I'm meeting a friend for coffee this evening, then heading to Jen's to finish the floors I started on Sunday with the help of my friend Jeff. So chances are I won't get to run tonight. And I knew that when I woke up at 6:20, which is why I put my shoes on and hit the pavement.
Three miles, 29 minutes. TWENTY NINE MINUTES, people. I've been doing this for ten days and I've trimmed my time by five full minutes. Who knew that just telling your body to put one foot in front of the other again would do that? I'm going to adjust my expectation. Three miles in 24 minutes by the end of July.
It's hard to run very often. The humidity is just not good for that, unless I'm running very early or it's an unseasonably cool day. So it looks like early mornings are on the agenda, which I'm oddly okay with.
If it sounds like I'm feeling driven at the moment, that would be right.
For the first time in a very...VERY...long time, I feel at home right where I'm at.
Now watch this unashamedly romantically earnest song from Owl City.
I've been unbalanced. Make of that what you want.
I've been neglecting parts of myself and I feel kinda bad about it. So in addition to the regular football games, I've started running on my off days, and I'm looking for a dojo to start to play nice with.
Today is an off day, a running day. I'm meeting a friend for coffee this evening, then heading to Jen's to finish the floors I started on Sunday with the help of my friend Jeff. So chances are I won't get to run tonight. And I knew that when I woke up at 6:20, which is why I put my shoes on and hit the pavement.
Three miles, 29 minutes. TWENTY NINE MINUTES, people. I've been doing this for ten days and I've trimmed my time by five full minutes. Who knew that just telling your body to put one foot in front of the other again would do that? I'm going to adjust my expectation. Three miles in 24 minutes by the end of July.
It's hard to run very often. The humidity is just not good for that, unless I'm running very early or it's an unseasonably cool day. So it looks like early mornings are on the agenda, which I'm oddly okay with.
If it sounds like I'm feeling driven at the moment, that would be right.
For the first time in a very...VERY...long time, I feel at home right where I'm at.
Now watch this unashamedly romantically earnest song from Owl City.
Are you just a decoy dream in my head?
This entry was written on June 16th, 2010. I kept it private. Until now.
===============================
People who know me well would probably call me an optimist. Probably.
Some of them would even know about my sleeplessness. How for months at a time every year I am unable to get a decent night's sleep. I've been suffering that since I moved into my little flat. Catching more than a few hours at a time has been like hunting smoke.
This is getting a little introspective, so let's ride the ride for a minute or two longer. I was wrong. I have been wrong. I have done things that were hurtful and ill-thought-out, and without grace. And I did them to people I love. I'll find a way to earn their forgiveness, I'm sure, because they're wonderful people. Finding a way to forgive myself is going to be harder.
This storm of guilt, regret, and a need to see the people I love happy, prompted me to apologize to the person I'd hurt the most. About a month ago I emailed Jen. And while I'm in a sharing mood, this is the part of my heart that I poured out on May 20th. The Duncan that wrote this stuff is a Duncan you may not know -- maybe haven't known in a long time, or maybe never did. But he's who I am now.
================================
I realized something last night, and when I said it out loud I wanted to write it down. And when I wrote it down, I realized that there was a lot I know about me now that I didn’t know two months ago — and a lot of things that I was wrong about.
What I wrote is:
I did not trust you when you said you were committed to becoming the person you want to be.
I closed myself off and didn't talk about how I was feeling about our relationship.
I kept secrets and allowed my fears to take control of my behavior.
I convinced myself that *all* the solutions I was looking for could *only* be found by removing myself from our life.
I made choices that were not loving choices for us.
I trusted other people with my thoughts and fears when I should have trusted you.
I decided that my self-discovery couldn't be done incrementally, and that it required a clean slate.
I did not show you the respect you deserve when you wanted me to see the person you will/have become.
I did not understand that you loved me even when I didn't love myself.
I made my self-doubt something that we could not work on together.
I said horrible things to you to get what I thought I wanted.
I allowed my self-doubt to manifest itself and seek solutions that only made me feel worse.
I refused to listen to your suggestions about where I was emotionally, and instead I chose to be angry.
These are all true, and it makes me so sad to know that I was this person, that I did these things.
I’m sorry for all of it, and I don’t know how to repair the damage that I have done.
===========================================================
And that's just how life is sometimes. Sometimes you look at your cards and you fold. Then you curse your luck as each community card turns, and you realize that you left the game too early -- that there's a full house on the table, and you had the cards but not the patience.
===============================
People who know me well would probably call me an optimist. Probably.
Some of them would even know about my sleeplessness. How for months at a time every year I am unable to get a decent night's sleep. I've been suffering that since I moved into my little flat. Catching more than a few hours at a time has been like hunting smoke.
This is getting a little introspective, so let's ride the ride for a minute or two longer. I was wrong. I have been wrong. I have done things that were hurtful and ill-thought-out, and without grace. And I did them to people I love. I'll find a way to earn their forgiveness, I'm sure, because they're wonderful people. Finding a way to forgive myself is going to be harder.
This storm of guilt, regret, and a need to see the people I love happy, prompted me to apologize to the person I'd hurt the most. About a month ago I emailed Jen. And while I'm in a sharing mood, this is the part of my heart that I poured out on May 20th. The Duncan that wrote this stuff is a Duncan you may not know -- maybe haven't known in a long time, or maybe never did. But he's who I am now.
================================
I realized something last night, and when I said it out loud I wanted to write it down. And when I wrote it down, I realized that there was a lot I know about me now that I didn’t know two months ago — and a lot of things that I was wrong about.
What I wrote is:
I did not trust you when you said you were committed to becoming the person you want to be.
I closed myself off and didn't talk about how I was feeling about our relationship.
I kept secrets and allowed my fears to take control of my behavior.
I convinced myself that *all* the solutions I was looking for could *only* be found by removing myself from our life.
I made choices that were not loving choices for us.
I trusted other people with my thoughts and fears when I should have trusted you.
I decided that my self-discovery couldn't be done incrementally, and that it required a clean slate.
I did not show you the respect you deserve when you wanted me to see the person you will/have become.
I did not understand that you loved me even when I didn't love myself.
I made my self-doubt something that we could not work on together.
I said horrible things to you to get what I thought I wanted.
I allowed my self-doubt to manifest itself and seek solutions that only made me feel worse.
I refused to listen to your suggestions about where I was emotionally, and instead I chose to be angry.
These are all true, and it makes me so sad to know that I was this person, that I did these things.
I’m sorry for all of it, and I don’t know how to repair the damage that I have done.
===========================================================
And that's just how life is sometimes. Sometimes you look at your cards and you fold. Then you curse your luck as each community card turns, and you realize that you left the game too early -- that there's a full house on the table, and you had the cards but not the patience.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Going down the only road I've ever known...
Since last we spake...
The following things have happened:
1. I have a new job. I write words for company.com, and I'm quite happy to do that.
2. Jen and I broke up. More precisely, I broke us up. It's a long story.
3. I briefly dated a sweet and lovely girl named Amy. Then we broke up. More precisely...
4. I now live in a studio apartment in the ghetto with my two cats, Doom and Percy.
So why do I come back to this now?
Well, it just feels like time.
I play football, in an Over 30s league. Our team is St. Bernardus. We're not bad, we play seasons that last about nine weeks, and we're in our third season of existence, already promoted from D5 to D4.
Additionally, I play with the same bunch of guys on Saturday mornings, so I'm getting a couple of workouts in, though not really losing any weight anymore.
So why am I doing this again?
I have several goals, none of which I feel like sharing now, but they involve exercise, and I think that this is a good way to keep me honest. Not all of the exercise is going to be physical.Again, a good way to keep me honest.
I decided that by the end of the year the following things would be true, so these are some goals I will share:
1. I will be able to speak Spanish in a restaurant without feeling awkward. Until last week, the only Spanish I knew was "Una mas tequila, por favor. Gracias."
2. With my band, I will be comfortable looking for concerts where people watch us perform.
3. I will be published independent of the website I work for.
4. *** CLASSIFIED ***
But, it's safe to say that physical exertion is one of the things in the classified goals. TO that end, I have begun to run on nights I don't play football -- looking for three 5k runs a week, plus football. On Sunday I completed my first in two years, it took 36 minutes. Tonight took 33. Hopeful of getting under 30 by the time July rolls around.
My legs say that 5k is not enough distance to give me shin splints, but enough to make me wonder if I might need some special moisture absorbing underwear. No, it's true, you can't unring that bell.
Finally, I have apparently broken my bathroom scale, so I have no idea how much I weigh. I may buy new batteries, I may not. I may use the old-fashioned slider-style weighing contraption at the gym at work. There will be updates this time, for sure.
The following things have happened:
1. I have a new job. I write words for company.com, and I'm quite happy to do that.
2. Jen and I broke up. More precisely, I broke us up. It's a long story.
3. I briefly dated a sweet and lovely girl named Amy. Then we broke up. More precisely...
4. I now live in a studio apartment in the ghetto with my two cats, Doom and Percy.
So why do I come back to this now?
Well, it just feels like time.
I play football, in an Over 30s league. Our team is St. Bernardus. We're not bad, we play seasons that last about nine weeks, and we're in our third season of existence, already promoted from D5 to D4.
Additionally, I play with the same bunch of guys on Saturday mornings, so I'm getting a couple of workouts in, though not really losing any weight anymore.
So why am I doing this again?
I have several goals, none of which I feel like sharing now, but they involve exercise, and I think that this is a good way to keep me honest. Not all of the exercise is going to be physical.Again, a good way to keep me honest.
I decided that by the end of the year the following things would be true, so these are some goals I will share:
1. I will be able to speak Spanish in a restaurant without feeling awkward. Until last week, the only Spanish I knew was "Una mas tequila, por favor. Gracias."
2. With my band, I will be comfortable looking for concerts where people watch us perform.
3. I will be published independent of the website I work for.
4. *** CLASSIFIED ***
But, it's safe to say that physical exertion is one of the things in the classified goals. TO that end, I have begun to run on nights I don't play football -- looking for three 5k runs a week, plus football. On Sunday I completed my first in two years, it took 36 minutes. Tonight took 33. Hopeful of getting under 30 by the time July rolls around.
My legs say that 5k is not enough distance to give me shin splints, but enough to make me wonder if I might need some special moisture absorbing underwear. No, it's true, you can't unring that bell.
Finally, I have apparently broken my bathroom scale, so I have no idea how much I weigh. I may buy new batteries, I may not. I may use the old-fashioned slider-style weighing contraption at the gym at work. There will be updates this time, for sure.